Mirage
by Alyssa2
Summary: [OLD] After the group makes a pitstop in Nibelheim, Yuffie takes a moment to think about the team and herself. PROYuffie, and spoilers if you haven't played


Mirage  
-  
What's happened to me?  
  
Where did that ninja go who ambushed travelers in the forest for gil, and hopefully Materia?  
  
Why don't I like her so much anymore?  
  
We're all at Nibelheim - Cid, Vincent, and me. It's a nice little town, if a little creepy and... artificial-feeling (I can't explain that, don't *even* ask)... supposedly, it's where Cloud and Tifa came from, too. 'Cept nobody here seems to have heard of them.  
  
It was Vinnie's suggestion to come down here. Since we were near the place anyway, Cid consented. Gawd, I could kiss them both for that - anything to get off that awful ship (don't tell Cid I said that). I guess it's kinda nice-looking, as far as ships go, but I have a mortal terror of any water or air vehicle. If it moves on land, I'm fine, I like land. Land is good. But if it flies or floats, I get the worst motion sickness in the world. And to get to a lot of the places we've had to go, we've had to use Cid's planes, first that Tiny Bronco thing, and now the Highwind. Gawd. I'm glad we've landed here.  
  
Ol' Vin wandered off into that big mansion. I followed him, but it was creepy *and* I got attacked by the whole damn circus sideshow, so I high-tailed it outta there. If I see one more floating pumpkin in my life, I'm gonna scream.  
  
Dunno where the heck the chain-smoker is. I think he might've gone off into the mountains, but I can't be sure.   
  
Me, I'm just sitting on this windmill-thingie in the middle of town, watching everything and wondering how I got caught up in all this.  
  
I almost wish I hadn't joined up with Cloud and the others back near Gongaga where they beat me. My life would be a lot simpler. No worrying about Sephiroth coming to kill us (I haven't slept a full night since we went to the City of the Ancients), none of this worrying about what'll happen to me tomorrow... just li'l ol' Yuffie, fighting in the forests and ambushing travelers.  
  
I've seen things since I joined up with this crazy cast that I wish I hadn't. I seriously did *not* need to see what happened in the City of the Ancients. I should've jumped ship before we ever got to that temple... but no, by that time I was suffering from that incurable disease they call "responsibility", and my conscience would've beat me up worse than Cloud did if I'd left.   
  
And once we got to that Forgotten City thing... brr...  
  
Even when I grow up and get older than Cid and lose my memory and all that, I don't think I'll forget what happened. We got up in the middle of the night, Cloud possessed by this utter need to Go Find Aeris, so we Went And Found Aeris. Cloud left us behind to go talk to her, and then - don't know what the hell he was thinking - raised his sword and tried to slash her down the middle. If Vincent and me hadn't yelled at him, I don't think he'd've stopped. It didn't matter anyway... just then scary megalomaniac man jumped down outta nowhere and without even so much as a howdy-do he stabbed her right through the gut. I remember seeing that Materia fall from her hair and bounce down the steps into the water. I can't even be mad at myself for not grabbing it.  
  
Then Cloud had a fit and screamed at Sephiroth, who ran off and left us with that gross thing to fight, and then after that, there was just this sense of... emptiness, you know? The adrenaline was pumping and we were just powering down out of Battle Mode - but what had we gotten out of the battle? Sephiroth got away, and Aeris was dead.  
  
Now, I liked Aeris, despite barely knowing her. She was nice. She was sweet and helpful and she knew how to laugh and have fun. She had cool powers when she got pissed off - I've been healed by her, saved by her, and protected by her (if you've never been invincible, I couldn't describe it - it's something you have to experience to know the rush) - and she was just... *nice*. I didn't really get to know her, but I liked what I knew.  
  
And then she was dead, right in front of us, dead but still *there*, and aside from that wound she didn't even look dead. I've always wished dead people would just disappear once they die, so you don't have to see them dead, they'd be gone and you'd never have to look at the corpse.  
  
But she disn't disappear, she was still there, and I'd never talk to her again, never know her again, and that was just too damn much. I never cry, but right then I just couldn't help it; Cloud held me and let me soak his shirt, and I wonder if maybe I wasn't the only one leaking at the eyes right then...  
  
Then he lay her down in the lake and we all paid our right silent respects, and I couldn't cry any more for her because... you know, she almost looked happy. She didn't look like she'd been in any pain, and her face was so peaceful and she was almost smiling. It was like... like death was *her* Promised Land, and she'd gone to it without a fight.  
  
And it wasn't like I could leave after *that*. It was like seeing Aeris die was the thing that sealed everything for me. I couldn't leave these people after they'd suffered that loss. I couldn't back out now that Sephiroth had the Black Materia and wanted to use it. I was Part Of The Team whether I liked it or not.  
  
And then we ran after scary man some more, and found him (I kinda wish we hadn't). He stuck us in this illusion world I still haven't figured out, and Cloud wasn't who we all thought he was... and it was just plain creepy. And then Cloud went nuts, gave Sephyboy the Black Materia (again), we had to fight our way outta Junon, and then we got on the Highwind (vile thing) and then for a while, Tifa was the one calling the shots. At least until we got to Mideel and found Cloud...  
  
Gawd, I think that might possibly have been worse than seeing Aeris dead, or at least an extremely close second. I mean, I knew Cloud a little better than I knew Aeris (I thought I did, anyway - not sure if I knew him at all, now, but dammit, you know what I'm saying!), and... he was always the strong, sharp guy, so silent and grim, so perfect for being a leader... he hadn't lost all his feelings like Vinnie, who's cute but spends more time brooding than talking and I don't think I have EVER seen the man smile, and he was just plain cool. You always felt safer with him around, because he was Cloud Strife, and he was on your side.  
  
And after falling into the Lifestream, he was reduced to this... this... lifeless, worse-than-dead shell. It was pathetic... he was strapped to the wheelchair so he wouldn't hurt himself, fighting helplessly against the straps, making meaningless little noises and lolling his head around uselessly... he wouldn't even look at anything, wouldn't respond to Tifa's voice... It was too much for me to even cry. I'm amazed I didn't throw up. After that, we got back on the Highwind, and Cid took Tifa's place as our somewhat leader.  
  
Then we went to Wutai.  
  
That was the one, single time I tried to ditch these guys. Wutai seemed so distant when I was out traveling the world, but when we actually went there, I just had this desperate need to get the hell home. I couldn't be that close to my birthplace and NOT want to go back; damn it, if Meteor was gonna smash the Planet and we were all gonna die, I wanted to put Wutai back the way it WAS, and I wanted to die at home in my bed, not out fighting freaky monsters and insane prettyboys with people I hardly knew. Those Shinra soldiers were totally unplanned for, but it did sorta give me the opportunity to grab their Materia and go.   
  
Lots of Materia, enough for everyone in Wutai...! This was my dream! Everyone in Wutai would get some, and then, then we'd all be strong enough to fight the Shinra, with powers they couldn't possibly beat, and we'd save Wutai from being the tourist trap it had become!  
  
Then that gross guy caught me and that Turk, and I am so glad Cid, Vincent, and Barret showed up to help. I mean, I know they were after their Materia, and they got it back, but... they let me back into the team after that.  
  
They let me back in.   
  
After I stole from them and betrayed them and tricked them a zillion times, they let me fight with them again. I was sure they'd never trust me again, but no, they let me join them again. They trusted me enough to let me join them again.  
  
How can I leave now?  
  
Besides... even if I got enough Materia to help Wutai again... what would be the point if we don't stop Meteor first? I mean, sure, save my hometown from tourist-trapdom, only to have it smashed by a big hunk of rock later. No chance. We had a quest, and we had hope - hope that we could save Cloud, hope that we could wreck Meteor and save the Planet while we were at it, and if we died trying... well, I'd rather go down fighting for the Planet, knowing that I was actually trying, actually DOING something, than wait at home for the big rock to hit, knowing that I COULD have done something about it but didn't... and if it did hit... what if I could have made the difference?  
  
So it's decided.   
  
I'm staying with this freak show; so what if Vincent puts the 'silent' back into 'strong and silent' and is really creepy when he gets pissed off and changes form; so what if Cid swears more than anyone I know and carries this aura of tobacco smell with him; so what if Barret's a little scary and Cait Sith's a robot cat and Cloud's a veggie right now and Red XIII's a talking hyena who fights with hair accessories and Tifa's the only halfway normal one besides me in the whole group?  
  
What's important is that they trust me. And I trust them.   
  
And that together, we could make a difference.  
  
I turn towards the north. The Vinster's coming out of the mansion, and Cid's already halfway down the north path (I guess he did go into the mountains) and swearing at me to get down before I break my neck, our stop's over and we've gotta go after those Huge Materia and see what we can do for veggie-boy. So I climb on down and follow them onto the Highwind, not caring that I'm gonna be sick as soon as we take off.  
  
I'm Part Of The Team. I have their trust, they have mine.  
  
I'm Yuffie Kisaragi. And I'm gonna help save the Planet.  
  
Or I'm gonna die trying.  
-  
end 


End file.
